Question: Why would we want to ‘hang with the tension’ – what does this
mean?
Tension is something we all experience every day of our lives. Everything we do is about resolving some kind of tension. At a very basic level, if we’re thirsty, we ant to drink; if we’re tired, we want to rest. These are natural kinds of tension that we need to resolve every day.
Question: So what are the other kinds of tension?
There is ‘psychological tension’ which relates to what we think and feel about a certain person, situation or event. If we resolve this kind of tension, our actions will take us away from the result we want, as we’ll be in reaction – for example: I’m feeling stressed, so I smoke a cigarette, have a wine or beer or eat some chocolate – none of which support who I am and what I want at that moment, in terms of being healthy. Another example, is getting angry at someone, so yelling and being abusive.
Question: Why is it so easy to resolve tension in this way?
There’s a universal law that says: “Tension seeks resolution”.
It’s easier to explain this with a physical example. Take a rubber band – if I stretch it, the tension seeks to resolve itself by breaking if I keep stretch or releasing, if I let go of it. Does that make sense?
Comment / Question: Yes, I think so. Are there any other kinds of tension we
should know about?
Yes – the most important one to ‘hang out with’ is ‘structural tension’ which is knowing ‘where you’re at’ (your current reality) in relation to ‘what you want’ (your end result). Just like the rubber band – we need to hold these polar points in dynamic tension.
Question: How come this is a ‘good tension’ to have?
Because, if we can learn to hang with the difference between current reality and the end result we want, we’ll have the momentum and motivation that will take us from where we are to where we want to be.
Question: How will we know the right action to take?
If we keep focussed on what we want and choose to ‘hang with the tension’ that this creates for us because we’re not there yet, the right actions for us will come from this focus on the desired result – the first or next step to take, will become obvious.
Question: What needs to happen then?
You just need to trust that this will work for you and do it!
Question: But what if I feel scared or think I can’t have it or don’t have the confidence to do it?
That’s ‘psychological tension’ and if you listen to these thoughts & feelings, your reaction will take you off course or keep you stuck where you are.
Comment: So there’s a major difference between ‘psychological tension’ and
‘structural tension’?
Absolutely! Learn to say “so what” to psychological tension and choose to hang with ‘structural tension’ – as this is the good one. If you do, you’ll definitely create the results you want – sure thing!
Comment: So it’s important to be able to distinguish the difference
between them.
That’s right.
EXERCISE:
- Write down what you want as an ‘end result’
- Write down where you are in relation to that ‘end result’ which is your ‘current reality’ (this difference will give you the momentum & motivation to create what you want)
- ‘Hang with the tension’ that is: any thoughts & feelings (‘psychological tension’) that come up because of the difference between ‘where you are and ‘what you want’ – say “so what” to & “what do I want?”
- Re-focus on the result you want and allow this to inform you of the right action to take that will support your ‘end result’
- Trust what you get and take that step
Congratulations!! You’re on your way to creating the results you want!
Glenda Frances